My grandma made the best apple pie. It tasted like heaven and smelled like Jesus. I could feel myself float to cloud nine anytime I would come home from school and smell what she was making. I loved Christmas and Thanksgiving because that meant apple pie. The candle in my room smells almost as good as the real thing.
The pink tulips sit on my desk as a present from my grandma for my birthday. Tulips are my absolute favorite flower. Tulips smell so wonderful. They smell like a spring afternoon after it has just rained. They smell like Easter morning when you go to see what the Easter Bunny has brought for you. But most importantly they smell like my grandparents who were taken entirely before their time.
I really like what you did here describing each smell of the mixture as it relates to you and parts of your life. I like your reference to Easter because it reminds me of my childhood Easter mornings, it's a good connection for most people (those who have practiced Easter).
ReplyDeleteI like how you broke down a combined smell and delved into each contributor individually. Your second and third paragraphs read like you have a childlike zest for life and sense of wonder, one I wish I could emulate more often. This was a very personal composition, and I felt a sort of unity through shared experiences of familial comfort and loss. Sorry about your grandparents.
ReplyDeleteYour paragraph about apple pie came across strongest of the three. "It tasted like heaven and smelled like Jesus." That line made me smile. Your connection to your childhood with lavender I found nice.
ReplyDeleteYour sentences are very choppy and you would do well to edit them to embolden your sensory descriptions.
Tristan points out what is my favorite line. Oh, if you begin with this sentence and go from there, you could end up writing an entire essay about your grandparents, scents, and maybe even religion and grief.
DeleteAs it is, there is something attractive about the choppiness of the essay, the way you quickly include three scents. But I think you could gain by focus, too.
I agree and disagree with TC about the choppiness of your sentences. You're developing a kind of no-bullshit voice and that's good. Then again, if you can maintain the no BS pose while still indulging in a bit more description, we might be really getting somewhere.
Keep at it. I love the slashing quality of your prose. But I also want you to think about structure and intentional choices. More specific reflection like "smelled like Jesus," less cliche like "cloud nine."
Good.
DW
The line Tristan pointed out also made me smile, and I thought this was a very enjoyable essay to read. Apple pie baking in the oven is one of the greatest smells ever to grace the planet, and saying that makes me feel like a true American. I also love how this essay reveals your personality and allows us to get to know you better.
ReplyDeleteWhat does it reveal about KL's personality, AM?
ReplyDelete