Friday, February 22, 2013
The Life of the Butterfly- Woolf emulation
Butterflies are one of the most beautiful and elegant creatures; their wings different colors and shapes and make sure everyone sees them by not flying at night. Butterflies bring beauty upon their own species and they bring the beauty of spring and the gentleness of everything that comes alive and blooms during this beautiful season. The butterfly brings with it the new life that comes with spring; flowers blooming, animals waking up from slumber, snow melting, colors, smells and new sights. The sight of the caterpillar spinning into a cocoon, to turn into something that will be so beautiful and look nothing like what it once was. He breaks through the cocoon like a polar bear breaking the ice to get to fish, he lets his wings spread open as to open his arms to the words and welcome everything that is. He lets his legs feel around to his old surroundings but he is seeing and feeling with new eyes. He looks over the day, with his new body, and he welcomes the world with his new wings and new legs and new everything; he walks down the branch looking at the ground seeming to ask if he should jump or not, almost to see if he would die. What happens if he jumps and his new wings don't work, will he meet an untimely death, on the day his new life began? He looks at the ground and he jumps and lets his new wings catch him. His wings take him up towards the sky and away from where he's always been, to a place where he can be free and with his own.
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I like this emulation, I especially like "The butterfly brings with it new life that comes with spring; flowers blooming, animals waking up from slumber, snow melting, colors, smells and new sights." I think it is in sync with Woolf.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I would suggest is that, especially towards the beginning, you use "beauty" and "beautiful" several times very close together. I think maybe mixing in some other synonyms for those or ways of describing these scenes that are different may help to give some more variety in your diction.
Interesting that you look at the life of the butterfly instead of the death of the moth, it's like flip sides of the same coin. I was really intrigued by the way you characterize that pivotal moment where they actually take the plunge without surety. Second mary's suggestion about retouching the diction.
ReplyDelete"not flying at night." could be cleaned up to something like "flying exclusively in sunlight" or something a bit more evocative/majestic.
I thought the first part was kind of boring, but the last, like 2/3rds of this was pretty good and engrossing.
I think what I'd like to see is some turn, some metaphor, or at least an understanding of how the writer feels about butterflies.
DeleteI half-expected some scorn to be heaped on the monarch. That Kayla was going to be kind of pissed at the cliched, beautiful renewal of the lovely butterfly when we're slumping through February/March.
As Mary did, you kept with Woolf's insects (fine, arthropods, because arachnids aren't insects, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. If I made that mistake, my following statement would be even worse) Because in this essay butterflies are life, the opposite of Woolf's moth, it seems even more pressing to replace 'cocoon' with 'chrysalis.'
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this piece. I think that while your vocab could be elevated to sound more like Woolf, your choice of present tense subtly took us closer to her than if you had chosen past. Nice choice.
I really enjoyed this essay, and I love the metaphor (living life freely and to its fullest) that seems to be circulating throughout the piece! Though there was frequent repetition of the words "beautiful" and "new," I think that the repetition added a sort of emphasis. Everything is so beautiful and new, beautiful and new, beautiful and new! Once again, your writing seems to express that extreme sense of awe - like you're seeing the world for the first time and want to express all the wonder and excitement you feel. However, I also agree with Tristan and feel that varying your vocabulary would enhance this essay and make it more interesting to readers.
ReplyDelete"A power of Butterfly must be -
The Aptitude to fly
Meadows of Majesty concedes
And easy Sweeps of Sky -"
Just thought I'd throw in some Dickinson, since the whole butterfly thing reminded me of these lines.
You'd better throw in some Dickinson, Alexis! I was expecting it.
ReplyDeleteKayla, the piece has potential, but the emergence of butterflies is such a common topic. How can you spice it up and give us some sense of you?
The writing does have a sense of awe in it, and that's an achievement. Wanna mix that awe with something else?
DW